121/1000 A comfortable feeling
Sometimes I am surprised by how I feel.
Last night I read before sleeping. I had the light on and I was using my phone kindle app. Usually I read my kindle with the light off and the screen darkened.
I was worried the change might make it harder for me to sleep.
I was really enjoying this book. Hence the phone app. (Where I am staying doesn't have wifi and I can’t update my kindle.)
I stopped at about 9.30pm and got up to put out the light and ready my bed.
Even after that disturbance I settled into the dark and comfortable bed with a huge sense of relief and comfort. I felt safe and happy. I was surprised by how much the feeling seemed to overwhelm me. I know I drifted off to sleep quickly.
I have to analyse everything and I have come to the conclusion that something in my subconscious has shifted. I can’t think of any particular situation that could bring on this feeling. My day wasn’t any different and I thought I was just the same. But something has changed. The feeling was worth noting.
Unfortunately, today’s usual stressors are still here to be dealt with but I feel like I have plenty of capacity to deal with them.
My credit card had a suspicious transaction and now I need a new card and the annoying updating that goes with it.
My Essentrics app was playing up so I couldn’t stream today’s stretching. I thought about just making something up but the momentum was gone. I made a cup of tea and some toast with marmalade and read my book.
I have one more chance to seize the day. Yesterday I decided I would go for a walk this afternoon. Hopefully I can get myself up and going. I may just end up being too darn comfortable and curl up on the lounge.
I have been looking for that comfortable feeling
I have been looking for that comfortable feeling of knowing that I have smoothed the way for the days ahead. Lately I have been looking for greater capacity to notice all the awesome things around me. The more I use my daily journal to record my thoughts and ideas and feelings, the less I need my carefully curated collection of specific journals.
I used to worry about not being able to analyse and handle all the inputs in my life. I always want to “know”. But since I have thrown away and given away so many physical items I have noticed a gradual awareness of being more comfortable with new inputs.
It has all come on gradually but also only become noticeable over the last 6 months or so. So what do I think is causing this change in me?
I have come to an understanding that I love everything about journals
buying them
writing in them
collecting them on my shelf
dividing them into topics
reviewing my writings
looking at them
I have an easy habit of writing my morning thoughts every day.
I use my planner to think about what I need to do and check it off as I do it.
I aggressively decluttered -
novels that filled my shelves and boxes, that I knew wouldn’t read again
Clothes that I knew I would never wear again or ever
Christmas decorations that were old (I kept the important ones)
papers and fabric scraps
all those things that get pushed into cupboards and drawers to deal with later
I made spaces where there was once stuff such as my glass top coffee table drawer, my bedside table, my bathroom counter, my kitchen counter
I dusted in all the corners
Because we have the house on the market we closed our market stall and boxed up all the jewellery making items
I am more accepting that I have sensitive emotions and an imagination that can build whole worlds around me. I am more able to expose these parts of me so I don’t have to try as hard to put up an “adult” mask.
I have enough income from various sources to feel comfortable collecting “things”.
I have spent months creating clothes capsules so I can effortlessly dress in a way that aligns with my values. I find that thoughtfully choosing the way I dress is a form of self care. I feel happy and confident.
The biggest impact
All the things in the list above have had an impact on my life but perhaps the two that surprised me the most were the decluttering and the clothes capsules.
I know, I know, every self help book suggests decluttering to improve your life but I thought I would miss my things.
I don’t even remember all the things I got rid of!
I feel so good about the spaces I have created by putting away little things.
I can highly recommend decluttering.
It has taken me a long time to get my clothes under control. I hated the thought of having 7 t-shirts all the one colour for convenience so I resisted any major capsule arrangements.
I suddenly realised that I needed a set of clothes (a capsule) for stepping out in public and a set for wearing around the house. I’m pretty hard on clothes regarding stains. Have you ever tried to get mango juice or passionfruit juice out of a white top? Or have you tried to get garden mud stains out of the cuffs of long trousers.
I needed to divide my home clothes from my outing clothes. I don’t know why it took me so long to work this out. I’ll probably do a whole post about my clothes capsules but generally here are my winter clothes capsules.
At home:
Polo shirts with short sleeves
A sweater or fleecy jacket
Fleecy track pants or some of my older trousers
For going out:
Button down shirt with a collar in various colours and styles
Nice cardigan
Neat trousers like new jeans or some nicer fabrics
A scarf to match
I usually get dressed for round the house. If I have to go out later I get changed, then change back when I get home. That way my outing clothes stay newer longer. Whatever I am doing, I just feel right when I dress right, and having the curated capsules makes it effortless to feel good about myself.
When it comes down to it, I am always looking for ways to do things differently or better. Isn’t that what being alive is all about? Adapting and growing?
Cheers,
Val